📩 Let’s Talk About Mandates & What’s Actually Happening

📨 From: Haley
📬 To: My Sister
🕓 Sent: March 14, 2025
📌 Subject: RE: Individual Responsibility vs Government Mandates and the Meaning of Freedom

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From her last email:

“I think there is a difference between the individual's mandate to act out (in practice) their world view and the government’s mandate. Like, I have personal views due to my world view, that would not be good or fair to impose on my fellow citizens, because I recognize that there are like 300 million of us and we all have different moral lines, spiritual ideas, cultural backgrounds, etc.  I guess that’s why I’ve always tended toward libertarian or conservative because I don’t really want to keep adding policy mandates by the government, I kind of think it’s wiser to leave a lot of things up to individuals.”

“I feel it’s an infringement on the opposing group/individual’s freedom to make policies (mandates) that are things individuals could do personally and freely amongst themselves.  So for me, the LGBT things are not in the ‘moral overreach’ category as a christian, it’s more in the why should there be more mandates category as a citizen.”

“Covid was my governmental trauma, feelings of rage, voicelessness, distrust, etc. And it was the result of mandates, some lies, and exclusion from society’s good graces and actual exclusion / rejection from society- jobs, trains, planes, restaurants, dinner at a friend’s home, etc. I was really frustrated and angry, and it is hard to get over those feelings.”

“I can’t force societal mandates off my rage filled memories of how I felt, that would be unfair to everyone, not everyone felt like I did, some people thought it was all fine! It would be better for me to try and make individual changes like: separating from federal workforce, moving to an area that is less likely to enforce those things, and voting against politicians who may make those types of policies in the future. That’s what I can do with my individual feelings and freedoms, and I think it’s in line with my faith, and shouldn’t make anyone feel rejected or unloved. Society members should be respectful, but we can’t have a codependent relationship with our fellow citizens.”

You can see there’s a lot that stuck out to me—and here’s my response.

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Happy Friday!

I just want to start by saying how much I appreciate how thoughtful your responses are, especially this one, and I can tell you really care about having an honest and open discussion, which means a lot to me. I do have to say that I am struggling a bit to have these conversations in such a relaxed manner, because I see things in the country moving so swiftly out of control. With that said, they also remind me how much we both value deeper understanding rather than just repeating talking points and that nothing can change if we can’t talk to each other and explain how we’re thinking and feeling honestly.

I have learned so much about how our government is supposed to operate (and our actual constitution) by continuing to dig deeper and stay outraged about what Trump and his administration are doing every day. I want to make sure I don’t bombard though, haha, and I wanna give you time to read and respond (and myself time to write and then reflect before sending, which is what I did on this email).

🧠 Topic 1: Mandates vs Options

One thing that really stood out to me in your response was the word “mandates”—you mentioned it several times, and I think that might be one of the biggest areas where our perspectives differ. It feels like there’s a lot of discussion in conservative spaces about “mandates” for things like drag queen story hours or LGBTQ+ books in schools, but when I look into what’s actually happening, I don’t see mandates—I see options. I also wanna pepper in some links to short and long videos that touch on these specific topics.

✱ Things to consider:

• Drag Queen Story Hour is not mandated anywhere.

• Libraries (which are often run locally) choose to host them based on community interest, and parents choose whether to take their kids. No law is forcing them into schools or libraries, and if a library or school chooses tohost an event, families still have complete control over whether they participate. But I’ve noticed that a lot of people talk about these events like they’re being “forced” on children, which simply isn’t true.

• The more insidious argument I see being frequently on the right is that events like this (or drag queens, queers, or transgender people in general) are inherently sexualizing child-centered spaces just by their very existence.

🎥 Watch: Montana Drag Queen Story Hour vote (6 min)

Same with LGBTQ+ books in schools. There’s no national policy that mandates that every school must include specific LGBTQ+ books. Some states, like California, have laws that ensure LGBTQ+ history is included in curricula (alongside other minority groups that have historically been left out), but no one is forcing kids to read specific books, and parents can often opt out of certain lessons. What I do see happening is that some conservative groups want to ban books from public schools altogether—not just remove them from a required curriculum, but actually restrict access even for families who do want their children to read them.

🧠 Topic 2: What Does Real Freedom Look Like?

This is where I think we’re talking about two very different ideas of freedom. Your view seems to be that freedom means parents should have the right to choose what their kids are exposed to. And I actually agree with that! But the flip side is that freedom also means other parents should have the right to make a different choice. If a book is removed entirely from a school library, that’s not just giving parents the option to opt out—it’s taking the option away for everyone else, too. That’s where it starts to feel less like “keeping government out of things” and more like a group imposing their values on others.

✱ I really liked what you said here:

“I don’t feel like my respect for my fellow humans or my fear of them has altered. I will say I have felt a lack of respect as a citizen though.”

I hear that. I think a lot of people, on both sides, feel disrespected right now. That’s why these conversations get so emotionally charged—because at the core, people are feeling unheard, unseen, and misunderstood. I totally understand why COVID was such a breaking point for you. I know how much those restrictions and policies impacted your sense of agency, and I can see why that created deep frustration. For me, I was just trying to figure out what choices would keep the most people safe, but I can completely see how, from your perspective, it felt like an overreach. And I think that’s part of what makes these conversations so tough—because both sides feel like the other is trying to control them. I have another video link to pepper in here that I think is helpful when it comes to COVID and vaccines in general.

✱ Things to consider:

• What does real freedom look like?

• Is freedom just about making sure individuals can do what they want, or does it also include making sure society functions in a way that protects the most vulnerable?

• How do we decide what gets left up to individuals versus what becomes a shared social agreement (policy/mandate)?

🎥 Watch: Dr. Mike on Vaccine Mandates (6 min)

🎥 Watch: The Science & Controversy of Transgender Healthcare (3 hours)

I don’t expect us to agree on every single issue, but I do think that we both believe in fairness, honesty, and trying to see things from more than one angle. And that’s what makes these conversations feel different than the ones I see happening online—because I know you’re actually listening, and I hope you know that I am too.

Final Thoughts

I think the dominant conservative cultural ideas around the LGBT community deserve their own long form video (see video linked above), because in our world right now, those views are what got a lot of Republicans who would never in a million years have considered voting for Trump to go out and vote for a man who made a big show of banning trans women from school sports teams and then pivoted quickly to….

• dismantling all of DEI

• firing 30,000+ government employees with no cause

• starting a trade war on our closest allies

• pursuing the annexation of Canada and Greenland and increased military presence in the Panama Canal with intent to take control of it

• calling Zelensky a dictator and cutting off aid we had already promised to them for no reason

• trying to pass a budget resolution that would cut medicaid by $880 billion dollars

All while the stock market is in free fall, the cost of everything is about to increase, and tariffs are going to increase production costs, disrupt necessary supply chains, and increase unemployment. Like… I don’t know if you and [my brother] voted for all of that, but I somehow doubt it. 🤔

On a lighter note, here’s a great representation of how I feel talking to mom and dad:

🎥 Watch: 10-min video of relatable family convo vibes

Love you tons, and I’m really grateful we can talk about all of this. soon. Now it’s time for some egg bites :-P

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From her response to this email:

“To me, [mandates] are things that are forced, or “choices” that have incentives/ punishments to guide decisions.  Like, it’s your choice to get the shot, but if you don’t here’s the 50 things you can’t do, including working. Sorry, I’m super butt hurt about the covid lies and overreach.  I dont’ want to be over dramatic about using the word “mandates", but the covid time was the closest I’ve felt to being persecuted.”

“Trump’s mandate is based on historic polling/ voter support (even though half the citizens don’t vote), but of course, is used as a political justifier.  I have hope, but like (I hope) most sober citizens, I will wait and see what his administration accomplishes.  I’m not under the dilusion that everything he does is good OR evil.  I just hope for the best.”

For my readers, let me know what you think—in the comments, by email, or in your own conversations with the people you care about. Thanks for reading!