📩 There’s Something Important I Need to Ask…

📨 From: Haley
📬 To: My Sister & Brother
🕓 Sent: March 27, 2025
📌 Subject: RE: Religion, Politics, & Family Relationships

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From my previous email: “I don’t expect us to see eye-to-eye on everything, and I’m not trying to pull you away from your faith. But I do think it’s important to reflect on whether the policies and beliefs we support actually create the freedom we say we want—or if they just protect one specific kind of freedom at the expense of everyone else.”

“After looking up the content of the people you said you follow [Tucker Carlson, Glen Greenwald, Sasha Stone, Tucker Carleson, Megyn Kelly, Russell Brand, Matt Taibbi, Walter Kurn, Michael Shellenberger, Winston Marshall, Bari Weiss, Victor Davis Hanson], I feel like maybe this Trump issue/discussion is done a disservice by just coming at it from a political angle. Religion and culture is a clear motivator in this fight against the left, the progressives, the dems, the woke, “other,” immigrants, muslims, ‘socialist’ societies, China, etc.”

“I see a world where Christianity is still incredibly dominant—where politicians, judges, and leaders still operate from Christian perspectives, where churches are tax-exempt, where religious holidays structure our national calendar, and where most of the people in power identify as Christian. What is happening, though, is that more voices—secular voices, LGBTQ+ voices, non-Christian voices—are finally being heard. That doesn’t mean Christianity is under attack; it just means it’s no longer the default. But I think for most of our family, that shift feels like a loss. Losing cultural dominance does feel different from simply coexisting. But I don’t see it as a loss of faith or goodness—I see it as an expansion of who gets to participate fully in society.”

From her last email: “First, an acknowledgment. I’m a Christian. I believe all the things, I feel the pull and desire to honor my faith and live by it, I also have struggled SO much and still have so many questions. I don’t have all the answers. After 20 some odd years of really having faith, I am at Peace that I am shown what I need, and that a lot of things are veiled from me. I still try, and struggle, and ponder…but I find comfort in naming it seeking…instead of doubting… and do have confidence that He promises, if I seek, I will find.”

“I think there is a difference between the individual's mandate to act out (in practice) their world view and the government’s mandate. Like, I have personal views due to my world view that would not be good or fair to impose on my fellow citizens, because I recognize that there are like 300 million of us and we all have different moral lines, spiritual ideas, cultural backgrounds etc. I guess that’s why I’ve always tended toward libertarian or conservative because I don’t really want to keep adding policy mandates by the government, I kind of think it’s wiser to leave a lot of things up to individuals.”

“I don’t see where a person who is gay doesn’t have any of the legal rights I have. I feel the same way about racial minorities and women. I think there used to be, but don’t know of any legal discrepancies at this time.  I’m not a bigot.  I have had and still have many wonderful relationships with all different races of people, gay/ straight, and male/female. But I’ve never thought of those things as the reason I like the person.”

A lot came up for me during this back-and-forth—and here’s what I wrote back, this time in an email to both my brother AND my sister.

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Hey guyzzzz…

So, this email is directed at both of you, even though I suspect there will probably be very diverging answers (although, I’m sincerely not sure about either answer). There’s something I’ve been carrying for a very long time, and I’m finally in a place where I want to say it "out loud." It might feel heavy to read, but I’m not coming from a place of anger—I’m coming from a place of deep honesty, and from the hope that our relationship can be built on something more real. I really enjoyed Jenny’s recent visit and our email conversations, and it’s got me reflecting a lot on how I see the future of my relationship with you guys.

Without further ado (and with the weekend coming which hopefully gives us all some much needed time for rest, reflection, and response), I want to ask both of you something directly:

🙏 Do you believe I’m going to hell?

• If so how does that belief make you feel?

• If not, how does it make you feel to be asked that question?

• And finally, how do you think it feels for me to live with the possibility that people I love may believe that about me?

The first isn’t a rhetorical question. I truly want to know.

Even if you’ve never said it aloud, I know the kinds of communities you’re part of. I know what’s often taught or assumed about people like me: people who’ve had abortions (yes, I have had an abortion), who’ve left Christianity, who vote differently, or live by different values. That knowledge exists in the background of every interaction we have. It colors how I experience your support, your silence, and our connection.

And when we’ve talked in the past—especially when I’ve been frustrated or reactive about small town America, religion, or politics—I know I’ve probably come across as angry. I was angry. But underneath that was grief. What you may have heard as dismissiveness was really a kind of heartbreak. Because I’ve never just been upset at the ideas—I’ve been hurt by how those ideas have built a wall between me and people I love.

That grief has grown heavier over time—especially now.

We’re living in a moment where people’s lives are being directly affected by the political and religious ideologies we vote for and align with. Rights are being stripped away. Marginalized people are being targeted. Christian nationalism isn’t just a fringe idea anymore—it’s shaping real laws and real lives. And when I see my family voting for and defending the leaders pushing that agenda, it becomes more than a political disagreement. It becomes personal.

This isn’t me saying “you’re wrong and I’m right.” This is me saying: It’s hard to feel close to people who may quietly believe I’m condemned, or support a worldview where I’m seen as broken, dangerous, or lost.

I’m not writing this to cut ties. I still care. I want connection. I want conversation. But I also want space for truth—real truth—even when it’s hard. I want to stop pretending that these deep divides don’t matter and that we should just be able to “get along” and “talk about other things.” Because they do. They shape the way we see each other, trust each other, and feel safe around each other.

❓So I’ll ask again:

✱ Do you believe I’m going to hell?

✱ And how does that shape the way you relate to me in this life?

I’m not looking for perfection. I’m looking for openness. Maybe even a little empathy. And if there’s still love between us, then I believe there’s still room for something honest and meaningful to grow.

Love you both lots, 

Haley

For my readers, let me know what you think—in the comments, by email, or in your own conversations with the people you care about. Thanks for reading!